Ask Fr. Jim--MIXED MARRIAGES

As we live in a world of diverse cultures and religions, the question of interfaith relationships is of top concern.

Please take time to read the blog my parish priest, Father Jim Doogan (from Blessed Sacrament Church in Hollywood) wrote about mixed marriages:


Mixed Marriage a commingling of Religions or Denominations

I have been promising to write my opinion on the matter of mixed marriages of differing religions or denominations. As a Catholic Priest you probably have a presumption of what I will say. Well I will not disappoint your intuition – you are right. I am not favorably disposed to them.

Establishing my credentials:
What can a priest know about marriage?
Well 1) I wasn’t born a priest.
2) Objectivity is always easier for a neutral paty.
3) And I have family members, friends and parishioners who are constantly keeping me up to date on issues.
4) And I do share a house with others so a realize the importance of daily communication.

The Apparent Majority View
In speaking to others regarding this issue it appears that the majority of people do not see this as a difficulty. Preferring to marry someone of your own religion seems to smack of racism. Many people would say “but Father when two people love each other . . . love will conquer all. Perhaps this is true.

However, I would challenge people who too readily dismiss religion as a serious concern in marriage. Are they short sighted? Or are they in essence saying that religion is an irrelevant issue in their lives? If this is the case they are right – religion has no bearing on the relationship, nor any other aspect of their lives.

Spiritual Path
Religion outlines family spiritual values and principles. It gives children a language in which to talk about God and to God. Prayer, spiritual growth and questions about religion and faith need to be contextualized. If freedom from the influence of others is a value, are we consistent with this view on other matters?

For example would we ask a child to wait until he is older before choosing a nationality or a language in which to converse? Preposterous! Should we not introduce our children to our culture, favorite poets, sports, political leanings? We teach children by who we are. We try our best to have integrity and to be truthful. We give them what we have.

If you raise a critical thinker, later she will be able to keep or discard according to an internalized value system. Therefore, when she enters adulthood and reevaluates her faith and ideals she may start moving in another direction. When she understands a religion she can better evaluate others through the use of comparison. And answer questions that have come up during religious education and practice.

If the family worships together they will more easily have theological conversation because they are exposed to the same messages, examples, and religious language. They will have access to many people educated in the field. Those with no religious upbringing often feel that they missed out, and do not know how to proceed in their spiritual walk. Everyone is different so I am sure there are those who did not miss it. I however, have not met many of them.

Not My Type
For those who are not persuaded by the argument thus far, what criteria do you use when accepting a date or when making friendships? I have often heard people dismiss a nice person by saying “Oh she/he is not my type. People do not judge or argue with this. They may be talking about a person’s race, weight, height, style, athleticism, hair length, political affiliations, music preference, social ease, humor, etc. However, “Not my type” usually does not connote religious allegiance because religion is not in vogue. Doesn’t matter in dating is implying that it just doesn’t matter? What do you want in your marriage? Do you want to settle into a family who is able to practice and celebrate the same religious holidays together?

Marry Who You Date
Believe it or not you fall in love with and marry who you date. I am not saying that it can’t work. I am pointing out that it complicates matters significantly. Anytime you marry someone who was raised differently than you there are adjustments, and compromises to make. You have to negotiate more of your relationship.

It Can Work
Two devoted people in love, from different religions can have a wonderful life together. If they realize they have to work through the religious issue before they are married with children. What church to be registered? Does the child celebrate the rites of passage in one of the religions, none or both? Does the mother take the children to church while the father stays home or goes to his services? Do you trade off every other week? What is best for the child?

I grew up on Long Island were there is much inter-marrying between Catholics, Protestants, and Jews. Big and small issues need to be addressed e.g., Keep kosher? Have images of God in your house? View the Bible as a literal history? Deal with relatives who are not happy with the situation or dismiss them out of your life? The happiest families are the ones who are able to talk and negotiate the issue. Most of the time it seems one parent ceases religious practice and let the other parent be in charge of the children’s Spiritual upbringing.

The bottom line is that love can conquer all. However, the less you have to negotiate in a marriage, the easier it will be to team up in negotiating the trials and tribulations of life.


For previous reader responses to this blog, click here:
http://news.blessedsacramenthollywood.org/doogan/2008/07/07/ask-fr-jim-mixed-marriage/

Appreciating Our Parents

Last month I went to a prayer meeting in which everyone had lost a parent--except for me. As they talked about their experiences of their loss, I thought to myself--I am so blessed to still have both my parents here on this earth with me. I admit that I often took my parents for granted when I was growing up, but now, I truly value them in my life.

My parents are getting older and their health is getting fragile as time passes by. There was a time when I almost lost my mother due to a health complication. It was the miracle of God that gave my mother a second chance to life. Because of this, I have been awakened to my faith. From there on, I knew that God never lets a prayer go unanswered.

Not all of our parents are perfect, but we can still develop our relationships with them while they are still with us. When was the last time you told your parents that you loved them? When was the last time you let them know that you appreciate them for everything they've done for you? It is never too late to let them know...

You are Invited!

Hello,

This Thursday August , I will be singing with choir members all over Southern California for the National Association of Pastoral Musicians (NPM) "One Body, One Spirit in Christ."
The music is really beautiful! We will be singing in multi languages (from English, Latin, Spanish, Vietnamese, Tagalog, and Indonesian). We will also be singing classical to contemporary music, including original music by one of my choir directors, Chris De Silva.

You are all invited to attend!!

WHEN: Thursday August 7, 2008 @ 8 PM

WHERE: Our Lady of the Angels Cathedral
555 W Temple St, Los Angeles, CA
http://www.olacathedral.org/

Thank you and God bless,

Amy